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The disabled child: diagnosis

In the previous post we learned that the birth comes before the birth, the baby ideal (all of our expectations and fantasies), born prior to that reality. But what happens to this system of expectations when the deficit is diagnosed during or after pregnancy? How it reassembles around the certainty of having a disabled child?

The mother and father first and foremost, but around them all the household, undergo a process of "rehabilitation" by his son dreamed the real one. Even in cases of acquired deficiency after birth (genetic diseases, traumatic events), the parental couple is having to accept a child other than the one dreamed of.

When news of the child not having a "healthy", is given to parents, everyone reacts differently, with the tools it has, and with their own generational stories of attachment (Bowlby, 1988). Here's an example: if the mother had a childhood where he developed a positive attachment to their parents, will feel much safer in terms of identity despite the tragic event, and if, on the contrary, history shows a weak attachment, it is very likely that the handicap of the child takes his eyes confirming his mother's inability, with everything that goes with it (escape or symbiosis). When a mother has news of the deficit of the child usually feels within himself the death of the "ideal child and wanted to see" the experiences range from guilt, resentment, rejection and frustration. Just at this stage of adaptation between mother and son imprinting relational structure on the subject for life. The reactions of the mother (and father later) may involve the refusal of the child, seen as self-denial, or at the edge of un'iperprotezione morbid symbiosis.

The relationship can evolve into a negative emotional or can display attitudes of acceptance, more or less passive. It remains then the crisis of 'identity of the mother in front of an unexpected event and what adjustments are born with the child that attitudes often lead to total and absolute dedication, thus creating the foundation for a strong symbiosis and eternal, definitely detrimental to the future of the child .